How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence (EI)

in Emotion

What is EI? (Emotional Intelligence)
The phrase "Emotional Intelligence" was coined by Yale psychologist Peter Salovey and the University of New Hampshire's John Mayer in 1990. They defined it as"The ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions and to regulate emotions to promote personal growth."
It is measured by Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ).

In simpler terms, it means that a person with high emotional intelligence will have a natural ability to detect and decipher emotions in others' faces and voices, be sensitive to even the slightest variations in mood and also harness their own emotions, negative or positive ones, to be managed to achieve
intended goals.

So why is EI important?

According to Daniel Goleman,Harvard psychology Ph.D., New York Times science writer, EQ can make a greater difference in one's life compared to IQ. It is said that in the corporate world, IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted!Goleman likes to tell of a manager at AT&T's Bell Labs, a think tank forbbrilliant engineers in New Jersey, who was asked to rank his top performers. They weren't the ones with the highest IQs; they were the ones whose E-mail got answered. Those workers who were good collaborators and networkers and popular with colleagues were more likely to get the cooperation they needed to reach their goals than the socially awkward, lone-wolf geniuses. People who possess high emotional intelligence are the people who truly succeed in work as well as play, building flourishing careers and lasting, meaningful relationships!you are not your emotions

Steps to enhance your EI

Although, no well-conducted, published studies have been reported in regard to raising emotional intelligence to date, it is widely agreed that people can improve their emotional knowledge and improve their social functioning!

Whenever you feel an emotion you're not comfortable with, you can ask yourself "what is this feeling trying to tell me?" You should also take time out to relax and be still, observing thoughts and feelings as they come and go. This will give a degree of detachment, as you realise you are more than whatever thoughts and emotions you are experiencing at the time.Another great way is to keep an emotional journal and take five minutes each morning to write down how you're feeling. By noting down the trend, you will gradually become more aware of your own emotions and better understand them!


As humans, it is difficult for us to avoid feeling certain ways when things happen. Thus, it's how you respond to those feelings that matters. Whatever emotion you're feeling, you still have a choice about how you act on it - and that's what counts! Judging yourself does not make you a better person.

Instead, learn to stand up to failures, resist the urge to scream at whoever is irritating you, count to 10 slowly, breathe slowly, turn your mind to nature,pray and ask God for a calm and humble heart and attitude.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." In the end, this will enable us to develop patience and be still amidst difficult moments.


Everyone sees the world in different ways, and everything that person does and says makes sense from their viewpoint, even if it makes no sense to you. By learning to truly place yourself in the other person's situation, you will realise that often while the actions may seem wrong to you, their motivation behind the actions are good. It will allow us to understand them better and hence, foster stronger and more meaningful relationships.


It has been researched and observed that humans spend the most of their time worrying about things, and among these things, most of them do not end up happening, while the small percentage that do take place, was a lot less stressful or fearful then what we imagined. Distance yourself. So, one thing we should do is to avoid allowing ourselves to sink into self-pity or indulge in depressing thoughts. Often, these are dangerous. The world does not revolve around ourselves and when we find ourselves becoming increasingly self-centred and dejected, we should make an effort to pull out of it and think happy, cheerful and more optimistic thoughts! This will give rise to more purposeful life, more friends and better quality work.

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Nicholas Ong has 1 articles online

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This article was published on 2010/04/03